The story of the other side of my life.

This is not easy for me to do. I don't want to think about these things that have happened in my past, as lots of memories are just bad. I have more than my share of those.

My childhood was great! My parents were wonderful and they loved all of us kids. Please read my poem,
Safe in the Arms of Love.

When my baby sister was born I was nearly 14 and my Mama was nearly 40. The pregnancy and menopause together worked an ugly magic on her and she began to drink, heavily.

Within two years it had become so bad at home that I said yes to the first guy who asked me to get married. This was the best marriage of my life, although I was not happy at the time. I was 16 and not exactly wife material. I had my oldest daughter at 17 and my first son at 18.

My husband went away to war. (Viet Nam) While he was away, a drugged teenager tried to break into the apartment where I was living with my two babies. Before leaving, my husband had purchased a .22 pistol for our protection. I fired the gun out the door, in an attempt to scare the boy away. Unfortunately, instead, I killed him. There were no charges filed and no condemnation, other than that which I imposed on myself. (which was huge)

The military sent my husband home right away. Between the shooting and being in charge of everything myself for almost a year, I had grown up and changed a lot. I liked his, "the man is the ruler of the house" attitude less than ever. Then, I learned, by reading his mail, that he had "furniture" (a local girl to live in) while he was overseas. That was the last straw.

As soon as we were separated. I took up with the man who would be my second husband. Oh! He was so sweet and good to me. He loved me so much that he wanted me all to himself. Soon I was alienated from family and friends.

It wasn't long until he began to "teach me a lesson" once in a while. When it got bad, I sent my two children to live with their father and step-mother. Soon they all moved to Panama, where their dad was stationed.

I was lonely and 33 years old. So, naturally, I decided to have a baby! Someone to love ME! Best decision ever!

Before she was a year old the two older kids moved back home. My son was 15 years old now and bigger than his step-father. After one really bad fight between the two of them, things settled down for a while. But as my son got older and was out of the house more, the black eyes and busted lips started showing up again.

Soon my older kids came to me and told me that they did not want the baby to grow up seeing the things they saw. This, coupled with my friends, (support system) telling me that if I wasn't going to do anything about it, they did not want to hear about it anymore, gave me the push I needed. I left him.

It was very hard at first and he used the baby to try to talk me into coming back. Telling her to tell me "We could all be a family again." (One more last chance) Finally, I filed for divorce and moved 300 miles to stop it.

After about a year and a half, I met a man I really liked. We got along great and had loads of fun. As time went on I realized he had a problem with alcohol. When confronted he got really mad and denied. (naturally)

This is the hardest part to tell, and I won't go into too much detail to spare the feelings of others involved. One night while I was at work he TRIED to mess with my baby girl. (she was 6) Nothing happened to her, but I sent him to jail that night and he did not see sunlight again until she was 17. Needless to say, this hurt me more than the "furniture" or the beatings.

Beth went to live with her dad, where she stayed for 12 years.

Well, I had finally learned my lesson. I was finished with men. Until I met the one who would be "Mr. Me #3" He was so different. So sweet, loving, attentive & such a family man. We had a son and the two of them were adorable together. We were the best family ever, for about 7 years. Then one day, my husband came home drunk and told me he had found a new mother for our son and wanted me to leave. We stayed married for 2 years after that. Some days trying to save our marriage and some days just trying not to murder one another.

I went to counceling during this time and I won't make these same mistakes with men again.

Gradually I realized he had never been faithful and had told awful stories about me all over his small town. Everyone knew that he wanted me gone. My family sent me the money to come home to Texas, so I left him and started over again.

That was nine years ago, and good things and bad things have happened from time to time. However, I am okay now and my nearly grown-up son is better off.

We have a decent home and car, I have a great job and we have a calm life.

I get depressed and feel sorry for myself sometimes,
but they say that living well is the best revenge, and I am living well.